Health Recovery Progress (Trigeminal Neuralgia; Sick-Abed; Weight Loss; 9 Skin Moles Detached and Eliminated, etc.)
A ten month recap … (it’s long ..)
A bit about the journey. It’s the end of month 10 for me. From SAD to Fruitarian. 100% Raw. From being on bed rest. To waking up to see the sunrise …. From being so ill that I was planning on jumping off the Arroyo Seco Bridge. I remember being extra annoyed that the City recently installed these anti-suicide chain link fences.
About 4 years ago I was electrocuted in an Industrial Accident. The Maytag Dryer in our home went live and 220V went thru me and gave me what is described as a macro shock. It went thru one hand, across my heart, into my head and then out the other side. Many Doctors and many people kept saying, “You could have died.” And I kept thinking to myself how annoying that was. Because it gave me Trigeminal Neuralgia, by burning the nerves there.
Trigeminal Neuralgia is known as the world’s most painful neurological condition aka The Suicide Disease. Because the pain is so bad that people kill themselves to get away from it.
So I spent about 25K and three years trying to treat it. The story features many Lawyers and many Doctors who made it worse. Much worse. All Highly qualified Idiots. Including giving me medications that made me want to die.
Suicidal Ideation. I got fat, cause I could barely move. Most days the pain was a 9 on a 1-10 scale. It hurt to cry, because the tears would touch my electrical burning face. So I tried not to.
At one point a psychologist asked me how I coped and I told her … “I dissociate. I leave this Reality.” She nodded and wrote something on her laptop. Or maybe she was just playing computer Boggle …
…. I had some steroids that pretty much made me psychotic. And none of these Doctors could understand why I hesitated when they wanted to cut open my brain and cut the nerve. Which sounded like “Hey can we poke your brain with a dirty stick cause it won’t work but we can bill your insurance and Maytag?”
Something finally broke the day I went to the Neurosurgeon and he examined me in his Gucci Loafers, didn’t answer any of my questions and had a nurse take my blood pressure 4 times til it bruised my arm. I finally ripped off the cuff. No more.
And it all broke. I no longer had any belief. I didn’t believe that they could cure me. I didn’t believe they knew anything. It was … an incurable break. I don’t believe that I will ever see another allopath. Ever.
All the pressure was off. I started a juice fast the same day. I remember that the Hubs had taken me to McDonalds that morning as a special treat. I had anMcMuffin. I started on green juice that same night.
Cause I was ready to join the opposite side. I was ready to get as freaky as it took ….”Show me the FREAKS! I will bring my Flag!”
In the beginning, Mister Squeegy tried to stop me. He freaked out that “I wasn’t eating anything.” He didn’t believe. But the voice in me said Juice Fast. It was loud. I didn’t really care how long it would take. I wanted the pain gone. By that time the pain was so bad my eyeball would twitch and my face would involuntary move.
I juice fasted for 55 days. In the middle of it … our refrigerator broke. I was maybe on Day … 29? I wanted to continue so I went to using watermelons. I started to feel insanely amazing. This is when I started to suspect that fruit was deeply healing. This is when I stopped believing that the 80% veg 20% fruit thing was the end al be all … Don’t tell the Reboot with Joe peeps. But I think fruit is the Queen.
I went on. Day 35 I could not stand the smell of . I mean I literally thought I was going to throw up in the store. I still can’t get near a butcher counter or asection. I can barely stand looking at drawn pictures ofin a grocery store. I bought a lot of cookbooks in my early juice fasting days. I was in denial still I think. I no longer believed in the food pyramid. I stopped believing in Dairy. I started to suspect that I had been lied to. Everything … that was formerly a “rule” was no longer a rule.
I had a healing crisis at about day 40. I shook all over … I couldn’t get warm. Every person who had ever harmed me, including myself was 100% forgiven. I spent about 6 hours seeing things … reliving and shaking. I couldn’t really talk. I couldn’t express what was happening. It was hard to believe. I found Dr. Morse then, by googling healing crisis .. and the fruits …the fruits … the fruits … they began to whisper.
I was still somewhat in denial, as I allowed my Family to pressure me to come off the Juice fast for Thanksgiving. It was ugly. That is when I really realized that … regardless of people loving me, they didn’t know what was best for me. They feared not eating. They feared vegetables. They were stuffed with Fear.
So … I started not telling no one nuthin! Don’t ask don’t tell. No one needs to know … it will only frighten them and I still have miles to go before I sleep.
In 10 months, I have Juice Fasted a total of 90 days. I did a 10 Day by the Book Master Cleanse. I water fasted 10 days … (5 days at once and then broken up) … I have mono fasted on fruits. I ate two trees of oranges, 4 trees of lemons. I did 18 days of grapes only. I did … probably about 20ish days or so on Watermelon. I never really counted the watermelon because my body … loves it … it doesn’t seem like I need to bother counting. At 6 months or so bananas started to talk to me. They ignored me completely and suddenly they were all “HEY LADDYYYY” in a Jerry Lewis Voice. So I went … even fruitier.
A lot of stuff come outta my guts. Black foul death smelling stuff. And way way too much of it. NINE moles fell off me. I went from a size 12 to a size 4. I lost about 27 pounds … 160-133. It took me awhile and some suffering to stop coffee and . The cleanses … every time I would do one I think I lost some parasites. And I would stay raw (when I was eating) … for awhile .. but I would mess it up.
And then. Something … broke. I had a series of … conflicts with people in my life. And I had the realization once again, but in a deeper way… a much deeper more serious way that … my well being … my health … my soul … has nothing to do with the man I love and am married to. Or my Family. Or my job. It has nothing to do with being raised on a cattle ranch in New Mexico where I knew exactly zero people who would even say they were vegetarians. In fact that is a bad bad word there. And I doubt they know what a Rawis …
The break happened … it felt like a rope in my guts … just … broke. With some sort of force. As if … part of me sailed away and left only the deeper anchor hooked at the bottom of the Sea. I am the anchor, solid heavy and immoveable.
Since then, I am a Fruitarian. Focusing on deeper detox. Spirit. Truth. Dreams. It’s not hard now. It was hard before. Now I feel as if …I can just acknowledge that I trust myself. That I love myself and want myself to heal. I don’t care. I’m doing what I know will heal me.
Sometimes … breaking can be good.
Special Notes
See interview on Squeegy's journey here: https://mynonleatherlife.com/2014/09/09/how-i-cured-myself-from-the-suicide-disease-10-questions-for-raw-vegan-squeegy-beckenheim/
Updates
August 22, 2014
Continuation of original recap:
List of Creepy Gross Wonderful things that have happened in my Healing Journey into Detox and Raw Food in the past 11-ish month.
- A total of nine of my moles fell off. Even two on my face. I am so very alkaline that they couldn’t survive anymore. They are parasites. The last one to go was on my ear. That one was tiny. It had been there for only 5 years.
- My smallest toenails used to shed. Another toenail would grow under the original very small toenail, like I was a lizard. I just noticed that this hasn’t happened, I have only one toenail there, and it is not all creepy and weird.
- All of my toenail fungus I got as a result of a pedicure at an unclean salon … gone. Toenails are smooth and not hard like rocks which is a sign of fungus. Allopathy uses liver killing drugs to treat toenail fungus and it doesn’t work. But raw food does.
- There was a callous-corn looking thing on the outside of both pinky small toes that used to rub on my shoes. Those are gone.
- I had a ganglionic cyst in my right hand by the joint of my index finger. It was painful. And it was large. When I started juice fasting, I figured it would vanish. I didn’t. In fact it got larger and more painful and actually strained at the skin. Then at month 6, it vanished. I cannot feel it there at all.
- Weird black stuff came outta me during cleansing that smelled like death itself. Like … tin and spit and plutonium. I also recently had some creepy black wax come out of my ears. Which is great because I was having trouble hearing and wanted to get an old fashioned ear cone and yell at people, “Speak up Sonny!”
- One of the first things that happened was my elbows got insanely soft. They were very rough. I used to wonder if I was going around rubbing my elbows against cement walls. Or walking on them in my sleep. I told my Mom that I had spent over one million dollars on elbow creams to try and treat the situation. She said, “That’s a lot of money.” Yes. I suddenly had baby soft elbow skin. Newborn elbows. Save your money … buy fruit. Save the elbows.
- Speaking of rough skin I was amazed when the bottoms of my feet got hydrated. There’s no need for a pedicure with the now illegal razor scrapping of dead skin. The bottoms of my feet stay soft. Even though I run around like a berserker with no shoes on often … (cause shoes … like bras … and clothes … are annoying)
- My hair is ridiculously long curly and healthy. Seriously, it is.
- Oil pulling and baking soda made my teeth so white that the astronauts can see them in the space machines and they get distracted. “For the love of GOD what is that whiteness?” “It’s Squeegy’s Teeth.”
- I wake up before Dawn, I see the sunrise and the sunset every day. This is healing. I do not wake up feeling like I have a hangover.
- I do not sleep poorly.
- My varicose veins and spider veins are vanishing.
- My cellulite is also leaving.
- I still would rather starve than eat animal flesh ever again. And I mean, I was raised on a cattle ranch! I didn’t have to try for this effect, I wasn’t even aiming to have that happen. I didn’t need to watch animal torture films. I just never want the deadness, pain and rage in me.
- I get long bursts of happy energy. That is sustainable and I don’t crash. I smile all the time for no reason.
That’s all I can think of … I am sure there’s more … *toasts you all with my lime juice!* Cheers My Buddies! Raw-K on! Enjoy the rest of Rawgust!
September 21, 2014
All Fruit and nothing but the Fruit, so help me Dr. Robert Morse. Day 54. I eat fruit. Then I eat fruit and after that, I eat some more fruit. If I am still hungry. I eat fruit.
Sometimes I get all wild and crazy and want dessert. So I eat some fruit. It's AWESOME! No greens. No cooked food. Just fruit. No vegetables. It's a bad time to be a vegetable around this joint.
I recently have stopped reflexively shopping for vegetables. I'm veggie blind these days. Crazy interesting. Now I want fruit. It's a detox method. I really like it.
Yesterday I ate 6 limes. Norm for me since December 2013. I like limes and lemons in water, I fix a gallon of that every day for myself in mason jars … it has become a habit now … One small watermelon, including making the rind into a juice with an apple. 9 bananas, and a snow leopard melon which I shared with my cat Blue. The Korat. Snow leopard and canary melons are his favs! Go figure my cat has become a Fruit Snob!
I eat fruit. So peaches, tomatoes, cucumbers, anything that looks like a melon. Pumpkin. Citrus. Grapes. Apples, oranges. But mainly melons. Watermelons. I've only messed this up a couple times in 54 days.
Some changes … in the last 54 days? I have better writing. My ability to print clearly was vanishing. I couldn't even read it. Now suddenly my printing looks like mine again. The people who study such things (Handwriting analysists? … Graphologists? VooDoo Priestesses?) would say I am therefore no longer suffering from a degenerating personality! Yay me!
My fingernail lunula aka The Moons are suddenly very strong and distinct. ESP on my right index finger. That one shank and almost disappeared when I was sick. The acupuncturists place a lot of stock by how your lunula appear. They say it a representation of the strength of your Chi. AKA your life force. Even the lunula on my toes is lovely. My, my Squeegy …. What Lovely Lunulas you have! *wink* I wanna touch your nut bag. I wanna squeeze your lemons. All night long.
I have the softest skin. No moreskin aka Keratosis Pilaris. Another thing that "everyone has and is incurable so just suck it up and accept it …" I dry skin brush and use small amounts of coconut oil. My skin does not sunburn. At all. I used to sunburn all the time and am the color of a piece of white copy paper ordinarily.
I have been gardening like a mad woman in the sun even and I am not fried. In fact, I have a bit of color. I opened up a garden bed that is 3.5 feet wide and 60 feet long. I planted the whole bed in about three days from my very own grown from seed babies! I may have gone overboard on the tomatoes. But considering that 12 plants was not enough for one Raw Fruity Detox… I think some overkill is in order.
I look at my eyeballs and the left one appears to be more blue than green now. Not as much orange-gold at the center. I need to retake some pictures. I should look down my throat and see if my tonsils are re-growing yet! I honestly believe they are going to regrow.
I wake up in the morning (4:30-5:30 am) before the sun rises. With a truly crazy amount of energy. Coffee never ever ever gave me anywhere close to this degree of energy. This is what I chased, this energy … for years. I wake up and want to clean things. This has never happened to me ever. I've never before taken any kind of joy in cleaning the kitchen floor.
I have given away, donated and decluttered about 25% of what I used to own. The goal is 50%. And it's been easy. Much of this stuff no longer suits me, or fits my life and I don't want to own it. When I go into public, people stare at me a lot. I think my … vibration is different and people sense it but have no idea what it is? Or maybe it is because I am hysterically happy? Biological cheerfulness. When I laugh, I am actually laughing. People like that. It lights things up in a dark zombie world.
Mucus … lots of it. Hardened in my nose, coughing it up. Lots of gross … baseball game style spitting. Maybe camels are just … fruit detoxing? It's almost been a full year for me. In that time, 90 days juice fasting, 10 days water fasting, 2 trees of oranges, 4 trees of lemons, 100 watermelons, 18 days on grapes. a 10 day water fast and now … just fruit.
I'll probably hit my one year anniversary on nothing but fruit. All fruit, mainly melons and bananas for the happiness is far more functional that the other fasts I have done. Sometimes at night I get cravings to eat cooked food. Not cause I want it. (Parasites?) I know what happens at this point when I eat cooked food. Pain. I want it because this is a ton of awareness and it's not terribly comfortable.
When I was juice fasting, between 5-7 pm I would get "hungry" … only now I am stuffed with fruit so I am not hungry, I just crave the tranquilizer effect. It's hard to explain. I think it is like having ESP and truth serum together. Also I feel like I am running a built in Lie Detector in my brain that I can't shut off yet. I run as fast as possible all day long until I pass out. I don't need to stop to rest. I don't need to pace myself. At 10-midnight I am just suddenly asleep. Like I am 8 years old. In fact a lot of this feels like I am a kid.
A few days ago I used a pick axe to chop up some compacted dirt in the garden. It was a very physical day. The next morning I woke up very sore. Muscles sore, aching joints. It was hard to walk. I ate a melon, then 4 bananas and then a watermelon (I didn't think I was that hungry … ) and suddenly … I was not sore. AT ALL. No lactic acid to be found. I have a long history of using anything to ease lactic acid pain. Who knew the cure was fruit? Miracle … spell it F-R-U-I-T.
January 5, 2015
Trigeminal Neuralgia which I have as a result of being electrocuted 4 years ago causes the most painful neurological agony known to man. They recently changed the name of this disease from, "Suicide Disease." Because people kill themselves. I really think I would have too if I hadn't found the Fruit.
Add to this that surviving an electrocution injury is rare. I told Natalie Lenka once that I tried to join a support group for the survivors … but no one was there. As in … no one was still alive. I shouldn't have laughed, but there's definitely a point where you … kinda have to. The dark humor can help.
One of the things that used to happen to me was the right side of my face, my ear, my jaw and my eyeball were all affected. I couldn't hear … evenly out of the right ear. Like horrible feedback from a microphone into my ear, causing my to need to grab my head. I would never answer a phone with the right ear. Because it would get horribly painful, both the skin sensitivity and the stabbing pain.
Recently I realized, I can answer a phone with the right side now. Mister Squeegy touched the right side of my face a couple days ago. I almost flinched away because that used to cause me to have flare ups that could last for days with me crying and in horrific unrelenting pain in a dark room. It didn't trigger anything this time except a strange feeling of … "wow almost no one has touched that skin in four years …"
This is a direct effect of Fruit Healing. I am hardcore Fruiter. I probably always have been but didn't know it. But I know it now. I planted fruit trees and will cultivate and plant more. I will have a Forest of Sapotes and one day I will grow everything I eat. (Except the bananas .. half my brain is working on where to put an additional freezer for my bananies!)
…. I don't know why I was saved. I am grateful. Not normal grateful but like … overwhelmed with how beautiful everything is level of grateful. To not have a breeze or touch set me off and cause pain To know that if all I have to face to stay healed is the heat from buying a hundred pounds of bananas? I'll take it.
April 10, 2015
I just finished my 100 minute workout. I didn't stop cause I got tired. I stopped cause it was getting a bit boring. It's been a year and a half and ten days. Prior to that I was on virtual bed rest from being electrocuted and having trigeminal neuralgia. And a host of other injuries. I was really sick. And I was eating the foods of the standard american zombies ….
About two years ago I had a conversation with a friend who is obese and older than I am. I was telling her how tired I was. How much pain I was in and how long it took me to get out of bed. I remember her face. She smiled with delight and said, "Yeah, welcome to getting older. Welcome!" She was delighted. Misery loves company. As if that is what HAS to happen. It is just inevitable. Nothing you can do about it.
Except that I know she's addicted to the foods I used to be addicted to. Donuts, cakes .. gluten nightmares. She can barely walk. She had to "train" to go on a cruise. She walked ten minutes a day. Is a donut really that important to you?
Often I see her and think … "I wonder if she'll ask what I am doing." No more complaining here. She doesn't ask. Deafening silence. That relationship is going to fall to pieces, I can tell.
Now I have no trouble getting out of bed. I get up at 4 am most days. Excited to be alive! I remember waking up one morning and being so excited that I would get to go downstairs and wash the kitchen floor. Yes. …. I can exercise til I get bored. I move all day. I plan for living to 144.